Sorry Folks we've been away for a while. That's what happens when you work retail....you might as well kiss November and December goodbye. But I thought I would kick off 2010 with a review for a movie I recently struggled to sit through. I couldn't turn the channel because I deemed it as research. I lost two hours of my life for this; just FYI>>>
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
This movie was a pile of crap with a budget. The End. Really tho, it tried way too hard at being a campy rip of of the video game meets Lord of the Rings. First of all there is our hero Jason Statham playing a farmer named Farmer (yep) whos family gets kidnapped by some assholes that "sorta" look like Orcs. Then there's Burt Reynolds who has no emotion or presence in the film but is the king who's throne everyone is after (don't know why hehe.) Ray Liotta plays the evil wizard who is secretly planning to overthrow the king but mysteriously seems to be re-enacting his coked-out bits from Goodfellas. The guy who played Cereal Killer in Hackers (sorry can't remember his name cuz he's never been in anything huge) is the scheming Prince who is plotting with the wizard to bring down his dad, Burt. Even Ron Pearlman, who I think deserves his own set of badass jokes btw, jumps in as some old washed up guy that wanted to fight bad guys at some point in his life but ended up farming the coastal village with Mr. Statham. Oh and to add to the star-powered cast is the chick who was the third Terminator swings in (thats a pun, but you'll have to watch the movie) as a sexy-although-man-hating forest nymph.
Fuckin Weird right? Well that's just the beginning. The plot is equally intriguing. Farmer's village gets raided and his wife and son get assaulted by the wanna-be Orcs which Ray Liotta is controlling remotely via some smokey magic BS. Then he has to go on an ass kicking mission to find them. He manages to fight off a shitload of bad guys all with no armor and some fighting skills no Earthly farmer would posses. Along the way he finds out he is the long lost heir to the throne. He then reluctantly turns even more badass and kicks even more ass So (heres another pun:) after getting the book thrown at him wins the movie.
Mass more stuff happens that is mostly like Ms. Swan telling you the story so I tried to sum up. But if you enjoy a B movie every now and again, and you have some time to kill give 'er a shot. -P