Uncle Jason Says

...never use sunblock over 15spf because it will clot up in your chest hair and you dont want to look like you bath in cottage cheese. Especially while crusing for trim at the beach.

...always put salt in your eye. If you don't I'll kick your fucking ass.

...instead of the old cliche for affirmative "Does the Pope wear a funny hat?" We will now be saying "Should the name Jason Statham be changed to Mr. Awesomeness?"

...this isn't 5 0'clock shadow. It is 8am shadow and it stays like this all day because I tell it to.

...I never wished for X-Ray vision because I could always see the girls' underwear after it dropped to the floor whenever I was near.

...If I kicked your ass in the woods and noone was there to hear you cry like a little bitch, you will still have cried like a little bitch. I guarantee it.

...I will never play a sensitive role in a film because killing people is insensitive in most people's eyes.

...I auditioned for the part of Neo in the Matrix. I didn't take the part because I found out all of the fighting was in some make believe world created by computers that was only in your mind and I wasn't really going to be kicking anyone's ass. Lame.